Cold
by sydney563
Summary: Jane is having a moment while a blizzard rages on in her new home of Virginia. This takes place after she returns from her stay with Maura in Paris. This is my first Rizzles fic...sooo, yeah.


**N: this is my first try at writing rizzles fiction. It's probably horrible and i apologize if it is...I'm still learning the characters and their voices. But i was inspired on vacation with this odd idea and decided to try it! This might be my first and last rizzles...Enjoy!**

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Cold. It was cold, my breath creating a small cloud of fog on the window. I'd been staring outside for who knows how long, watching the snow fall in heavy waves of white.

Back in Boston, this would be business as usual. A blizzard ringing in to tell us all summer was firmly in the past. Here in Virginia, a blizzard was the end of the world and I was trapped at home. The roads undrivable, people holed up and hiding until it was over.

I used to welcome a blizzard, getting snowed in. It meant days spent on her couch, eating semi unhealthy foods while watching boring documentaries until I fell asleep and she would bend, letting me watch a cheesy comedy. Even Ma would come by, making pots of pasta and laughing with us. Making my heart fill and crack all at the same time. Fill because Maura was my family, my heart. Crack because she was my heart and my entire soul.

I sighed, closing my eyes to end the memories that made my heart ache. Snow always made me think of Maura. She was so pure, bright, and smothering in all the most beautiful ways.

The thinking about her had gotten worse in the last few days. We had passed the six month mark of going on our separate journeys, and the hole left was now beyond gaping. We'd tried to stay in contact after I left her in Paris. Daily phone calls, messages, emails, skype calls. All of it was a necessity for me to face the day, then lives got busy. The FBI was sending me everywhere to teach and shape new agents. Daily phone calls became every other day, then to once a week, then maybe once a month. The distance was growing, and I could feel it. Maybe it was because I sensed Maura was becoming a new person in France. The person she wanted to be but was afraid to show around the precinct, and me.

It didn't help when she sent me a picture of her with her new beau. When I opened the email and saw how happy she was with Kristoff, my heart literally stopped, and my brain slapped it. Reminding me that Maura wasn't mine, she was just my best friend. She deserved to be happy, loved, after years of giving relationships up to support me and my family. She liked Kristoff a lot. He was nothing like me. He was cultured, intelligent, well-traveled, and didn't leave messes for her to clean up. He was Maura's perfect match and I knew it. I began to put my own distance in, hoping it would ease the pain of losing her well before I even had a chance to have her.

That was the excuse. Truth was, I knew I'd fallen in love with my best friend years ago. Suppressing the suffocating feelings of an all-encompassing love for the doctor to forgo the mess I knew I'd make if we were ever more than friends. My track record with men showed I was not one for a forever. Shit, I hadn't even gone on a date since before we left for Paris. I had no desire to date or look for a man. My heart was stuck on one woman, Maura Isles, and I couldn't shake her loose.

I stood up from the chair, setting down the book I was trying to read. One I promised Maura I'd read just for her. I shuffled to the kitchen, thinking of all the things I did and promised just for her. In those times, I knew she could read me like a tissue paper, giving me a loving, open look with those hazel eyes of hers. Silently begging for me to say something, anything. Begging me not to curl up into my dumb jokes and brash behavior, pushing her and everyone away from seeing the soft heart under it all. There had been a handful of times that I caught her looking at me in a way that went past friends. I saw the heart break when I was injured, captured, or jumped off a god damn bridge like an idiot. I broke her heart a thousand times over and she still always came back. She always put me back together and sent me off into the world stronger for the next stupid thing I'd do. Deep down, I wondered if Maura loved me like I loved her? Or if it was just she'd never had a friend like me and it was her weird cyborg way of processing friendship. I'd always think about it, but never bothered to openly ask her. I didn't want to change things, I didn't want to lose her.

The weird thing was, my last day in Paris, I almost told her everything. We had grown closer than ever, and more times than not, I forgot we were just friends. I began to see the hidden relationship we had, and it was one I wanted. I wanted Maura by my side forever. I wanted to kiss Maura, hold her at night, call her more than just my best friend. I was slowly realizing my love for Maura was the best thing to ever exist, and I should tell her. But my own fears and anxiety about being loved chased away my courage, and I remained silent. Regardless that I'd come to understand Maura was the true love of my life. The reason why all of my relationships failed, was because I could never love any of them like I loved Maura. They couldn't compare to her, no one would ever compare to her. That realization was quickly followed by the what if. What if Maura felt nothing for me aside from friendship? What if I told her and she ran from me? Disgusted and appalled that I had romantic feelings for her? It wasn't worth the risk, so I shoved it all away to be locked up.

Then the end of my stay came, and the pain of leaving her and not seeing her smile every day, or hear her google mouth run rampant, was unbearable. I stood in front of her, shuffling from one foot to the other, choking on my feelings pushing their way up.

 _"Jane? Are you alright? I have some Dramamine if you need it. I know you hate small spaces." Maura stepped forward, grabbing my hand. Her warmth always grounded me, even when the nightmares become to real._

 _I swallowed hard, grabbing her hand. "I'm good. It's preflight jitters. You know how anxious I get about going through security and getting on board first." I glanced at her hand, my feelings shoving harder. "Do I have to go back?" I whispered the words, fearing what her answer could be. I squeezed her hand, finding the courage to spill the beans and then run as fast as I could to the airport._

 _"You do. Your dream job is waiting, Jane. Your new life is waiting." Maura stepped closer. I could almost feel her heart beat, she was that close. She tilted her head, catching my eyes with hers. "But that's not it, is it?"_

 _I chuckled, hating the way she could read me better than anyone in the world, even the woman who gave birth to me, didn't know me like this. "No." The panic rose, my feet itching to high tail it out of there. Here I was, a big bad decorated homicide detective turned FBI instructor. I chased down the worst Boston had to throw at me and did it without blinking. No one scared me. No one scared me like Maura Isles and the way I felt about her. I scrunched my face, "I… uhm… Maura, this trip has been amazing. I think our friendship has grown stronger." I looked up, Maura smiling at me. "I think I don't want to go back… because I'm…" I paused, slowly losing my courage. I took a deep breath, savoring her perfume and warmth. Everything about Maura Isles was addictive and I had to have my last fix._

 _Maura pulled me into a strong embrace, whispering against my ear. "You'll always be my best friend, Jane. No matter what." I felt her nuzzle into my shoulder. "No matter what happens."_

 _I nodded, squeezing her closer, my courage completely sucked out as the cab behind me honked his horn. Maybe that was my sign. Maybe Maura was right, I could only be her best friend. My feelings would change once we were separated and expanding our horizons. That last part was her words, not mine. I stepped back, keeping my head down as I grabbed my bags, desperately trying to hide the tears filling my eyes. "I better go. I'll call you when I land."_

 _Maura smiled tightly, tears filling her own eyes. "Please, you know how much I worry about you." She clasped her hands in front of her._

 _I took one last look of my best friend. Standing there in a blue linen dress, her hair wind swept from the trip to the beach we took. She was smiling at me, stunning as always. "Go Jane, you'll be late."_

 _I nodded, taking one more last look. "Goodbye Maura." I turned to head towards the cab, when I heard, "I'll always love you, Jane. No matter what." Maura's voice trembled, telling me more than a handful of words strung together to create an expression of what our friendship meant._

 _I bit the inside of my cheek, "No matter what."_

I walked down the steps, never looking back. I didn't want to watch myself walk away from my best friend and the love of my life. I didn't want to lose her.

I sighed, hanging on the fridge door. I was almost out of beer and leftover pizza. I would have to go out into the snow and hope one grocery store was open. I kicked the fridge closed, looking up to spot the bottle of whiskey Maura had sent for my birthday. Maybe I could drink that until I was numb, then I could forget about the snow and Maura. I pressed my hand over my chest, wondering if this new ache I carried would ever go away.

"Stupid Kristoff. Swirling up emotions I don't need." I trudged back into the living room, grabbing my cell phone. I had a few messages from Ma, telling me for the millionth time to make sure I had bread, milk, eggs, and marinara sauce. All things a good Italian would need to endure the end times. There was a stupid joke from Frankie and a picture of him and the usual suspects from BPD. I chuckled, sending him a quick message.

As I hit send, a message from Maura came in.

-Jane, Can I call you? –

I glanced at the clock over the stove, it was set to Paris time. Another stupid attempt on my part to keep Maura close. It was almost four a.m. I frowned, suddenly scared Maura had married Kristoff on a whim after a late night of fancy wine drinking.

-Sure. It's really late for you, are you okay?- I hit send and a second later Maura was calling me.

I let it ring a couple times, my thumb shaking over the green answer button. I finally tapped the button, "Bonjour!" I cringed at my dumb joke.

"Jane, still not practicing your French? Your accent is horrible." Maura's tone was firm, nervous.

I shrugged in my empty kitchen, turning to look out the window at the snow falling. "I lost the book you sent me home with." I pressed my hand against the cold glass. My heart racing from hearing her voice, even if it was chastising me. "What's up, Maura?"

"I know for a fact the book I sent you home with is sitting in Angela's bathroom where you left it. Collecting dust and fecal bacteria." Maura sighed, "I needed to talk to you, Jane. It's been a while since we spoke." She paused, "Did I do something wrong?"

I winced, knowing she'd pick up on the fact that I bailed after the Kristoff email. My jealousy and inability to work through emotions a honed skill. "Um, no. You're good, Maura." I rolled my eyes at how stupid I sounded. "Work has been busy…"

"You know I can tell you're lying, Jane. You drift off at the end of the sentence, searching for the next fib to tell." Maura paused, and I heard wind blowing in the background. "We've not spoke for three weeks when I sent you the email about Kristoff and my editor accepting my final draft of the book."

My heart tightened at the sound of his name. "Has it been that long? How's Kristy doing?" I glanced at the whiskey, moving towards it. Becoming numb was sounding better every second. "How's the weather there? It's snowing like hell here and it makes me think of home and our snow days."

"It has, Jane. And his name is Kristoff, but that doesn't matter anymore. I just left his house earlier today, telling him it was over." Maura's voice drifted off in another gust of wind.

I paused, the cabinet half open. My heart idly jumping with joy that Kristoff was pissing off. "You ended it with him? Why? He seemed… great."

"He was lovely, but he made me see a few things about life, my life and I came to many realizations." Maura's voice softened. "He saw that my heart was very distracted, lost and when he confronted me about it, I confessed to him and myself. I can't love like I think I should."

I chuckled, leaning against the kitchen counter. "Uh oh, sounds like you have the Jane Rizzoli curse." I turned back towards the window, "It's snowing here, Maura. Snow always reminds me of you. I feel bad for not calling, I thought it better to give you space to be with Kristoff. Find the relationship you deserved without having to save me day after day." I paused, "I miss you so much, Maura."

I heard her huff, a sign she was irritated with me changing subjects. "Jane, I miss you too. I miss you everyday and if you would stop changing the subject and go open your front door."

I hesitated, confused. "What?"

Maura huffed again, "Open your front door."

The tone in her voice told me not to disobey the fierce woman. I pushed away from the counter and walked to my front door. "Maura, if you sent pizza it'll probably be frozen by the time it got here." I yanked open the door to find there was no pizza, just a very bundled up Maura Isles standing on my snow covered stoop. I dropped the phone from my ear, mouth wide open. "Maura? What? It's snowing… a lot."

Maura grinned, "I know. It's also freezing and took me ten hours to get here with the bad weather. Thank heavens for the Isles private pilot braving the weather to fly me." She wiped a few flakes of snow off her cheeks, "But when my heart wants something, I won't stop till I have it." She closed her eyes, "This is crazy, Jane. I know."

I nodded, "It is, and what does this have to do with you breaking up with Kristoff?"

Maura opened her eyes, "Kristoff told me my heart was distracted. He saw I was sad, sad because I was in love with someone else and there would never be anyone that could compare to that someone." Maura scrunched her face up, "It's very jumbled when I re-tell it."

"It really is." I held out my hand, "Come inside before you become an Isle-sicle." I grinned at the dumb joke, "I still have some of that fancy French hot chocolate you love." I didn't care that something odd was going on, Maura was here. I could think later.

Maura slid her hand in mind, squeezing it hard to gain my attention. "Jane, I can't love others like I should, because I'm in love with you. Always have been, always will be." She dipped her head down, "I tried telling you the day you left. My tone was off, my words were ambiguous, I scared you off and became petrified I'd ruined everything." Maura sucked in a breath, "I've always loved you, no matter what, Jane. I know coming here and telling you, it will change everything between us. It's a risk I'm willing to take. I can feel and see the distance growing between us. This is my last attempt to speak my heart before I lose you, Jane. If we end right now, I can walk away knowing I finally told you." She lifted her head, her hazel eyes shimmering with tears. "I love you Jane Rizzoli. Completely, wholly, and there is no one in this world that could dare compare to you and the way you fill my soul."

The world stopped in the moment I heard those five words. Like, it literally stopped moving and I was frozen in time. I blinked like a cartoon, staring at Maura. It took a moment for the world to start again, her words striking my heart and mind all at once. I closed my eyes, feeling the last few restraints around my emotions tear away. I swallowed hard, my voice coming out raspier than usual, "Say it again?"

Maura stepped closer, covered in snow, and smiling softly. "I love you, Jane." She reached up placing warm hands against my face. She leaned forward, pressing her forehead against mine, "I love you."

Her words filtered through my ears, wrapped around my heart and squeezed all the warmth it had been missing since I left her, back into my veins. I grinned like an idiot, "Is this why you flew a trillion miles? Leave the warm beaches for gross snow?"

Maura gave me a look, lifting my head up. "3,961 miles to be exact." She brushed her lips against mine, "I'd leave everything for you. I will leave everything for you, Jane. Life isn't the same without you in it."

I let out a slow breath, "Maura, I'm scared shitless." I licked my lips, watching as the fear filled her eyes. Maura went to back away, I grabbed her wrists to keep her from moving. "I'm scared shitless I'm going to ruin this. I don't know how to do anything well in a relationship. But I can't ignore that I'm so hopelessly in love with you. I've loved you for a long time, Maura Isles." I bent forward, closing the gap and kissing her softly. I was caught off guard when she returned the kiss with a gentle force. Her lips were softer than anything I'd ever kissed, and I knew in time I'd never want anything less than her.

I broke from her first, forgetting how to breathe and kiss at the same time. I pulled Maura into my arms, squeezing her through the puffy layers of her coat. She wrapped her arms around me, and for the first time in a long time, I felt safe. I was complete. Why did it take me so long to realize Maura was it? She was what I needed all along? "I almost lost you? Didn't I?"

Maura nodded slowly against my shoulder. "Almost. This was my all guns on deck attempt."

I chuckled, "It's all hands-on deck." I shook my head, "What do we do now?"

Maura leaned back, grinning as she ran her hands up and down my back. "We go inside, have some hot chocolate and love each other. We have so many years to make up for, Jane." She paused, searching my eyes. "No matter what, Jane, I'm yours. I'll always love you."

I grinned, a tear rolling down my cheek. "And I'll always love you, Maura." I pulled her into the house, closing the door behind us. Our footprints together in the small amount of snow that covered my foyer floor was a symbol of the start of our lives side by side.


End file.
